Professional hopes and goals

My hope is that what I have learned over the last 8 weeks will be the starting point for change in the lives that I affect. I hope that, through a commitment to equity and inclusion, I can facilitate can help to better the lives of ALL families that I serve with an awareness towards the unique needs of each and the discrimination or oppression that may underlie those needs.

A goal I would like to set for the field of early childhood education is a commitment to proactive rather than reactive equity and inclusion. If we are teaching and modeling anti-bias education every day from day one, we are communicating the importance of this to families, the communities we serve, and to the population at large. We don't have to wait for diversity to walk through our center doors before we begin teaching it's importance.

I would like to thank each of my peers/colleagues who have contributed to my learning and experience over the last 8 weeks. Your willingness to share vulnerable moments in your life related to discrimination has given each of us an opportunity for greater growth and empathy. Your compassionate and caring responses to one another reinforces the possibility of dismantling stereotypes, biases, discrimination and oppression. Thank you each for your thoughtfulness, your insights, your encouragement, and your kindness to one another. It's been an honor to grow and to share with each of you.

Welcoming Families from Around the World

Twice this week I have been confronted by Sweden. First, in reading a new book to my son, we were introduced to a Swedish girl, then again while browsing the book store I came upon multiple books regarding Hygge (a danish word for a moment of happiness), and how to live like the happiest people on earth. It struck me that I know very little about this culture, and that Danes who immigrate to the US may be overlooked or marginalized due to Caucasian appearance, fluency in English language (many Swedes are fluent in multiple languages due to an excellent educational system), and therefore the assumption that they are not in need of assistance in acclimation or have equity issues. So, were I to be welcoming a Swedish family there are a couple of points I would want to pay close attention to in order to be culturally responsive:

1. Language. While English is compulsory for all Swedish students (and has been since the mid 1900's), multiple languages are spoken in Sweden and it would be important to understand which the family is most comfortable with, ie, what they speak at home. Regardless of family fluency in English, I would be important to have access to a translator who is familiar with the dialect and can assist both in and outside of the facility as needed. 
2. Names. Ensure that I and my staff are able to correctly pronounce all family names. Care should be taken not to shorten or nickname the child for staff ease or comfort. As names are linked with identity, as is country of origin, it would be important to show respect by  proper pronunciation (and awareness of meaning) of names. 
3. Swedish cultural awareness. It would be valuable to have a working knowledge of the country's history, both recent and distant. This provides a framework for understanding the family, their previous experience, and general worldview. Care should be taken, however, to refrain from making the family the cultural representatives for the Swedish culture as this is an unfair and inappropriate burden.
4. Family cultural awareness. Awareness of Swedish culture is not enough. While becoming familiar with foods, dress, and language are a start, it would be important to understand the family as a unique entity. What are the values related to family structure, children, education, authority, and happiness? What beliefs does the family hold with regard to ECE, gender, race, religion, etc? How can the EC facility best support the family values, beliefs and goals? This would require direct communication with the family, if possible in their own home, as this would provide the fullest picture of family life as well as communicate interest, respect, and partnership. 
5. Ensuring that the environment represents all families. This is as important for the new family as it is for the current ones. Families who enter the environment should be met with images and materials that reflect the diversity of the group, not only as an attempt to be seen and heard, but as an attempt to build communication and partnership between families. Families may be invited to partner in choosing some of the materials to be shared, such as favorite books, examples of art or music relevant to the family and culture, as well as sight words presented in multiple languages. 

It would be my hope that by beginning with these steps, the family would feel welcomed, respected, appreciated and accepted. Continued communication with the family (and all families) would be important in making sure that this was not a superficial exercise, but rather one that represents the facility's values of anti-bias, inclusion, and cultural acceptance. 

The Personal Side of Bias, Prejudice, and Oppression

     Several days ago I participated in my son's preschool Easter egg hunt and party. Always willing to help, I offered to help a couple of the other parents (mothers) hide the eggs in the playground. Two of the helpers were moms, and anther was an aunt of one of the children. After all the eggs were hidden and we were waiting for the kids to come out, one of the mothers asked where my son would be attending Kindergarten. I advised them that he was changing schools for this, and when asked, stated that his gender non-conformity would be more supported at the other school. Two moms gave me very questioning looks, so I elaborated, that my son enjoys wearing dresses, and does so with regularity, but that the current school has told him that this would not be acceptable (as it may be distracting, make him a target, etc). One mom said, after a pause, "Well, they don't really want any of the kids wearing dresses... you know for the playground and stuff" (though her child and the other 2 girls in the class were all wearing dresses that day and routinely do). I smiled, and said, "He may not even want to wear them next year, but if he does, I want him in an accepting environment that will support him". The aunt (who was, for lack of a better descriptor, "butch" in appearance) is nodding her head and showing approval. The other mom (sister of the aunt and silent until now), says, "I have a nephew who dressed up too. He's ten, so he doesn't do it anymore, but he did for a while. So maybe your son will grow out of it" in her most comforting and encouraging voice.
     Kids experiment with gender norms, roles, and clothing. This is a normal part of play and development. So her comment was not entirely off the mark, however, the message was very clear: anything outside of the gender norm is pathological and may be overcome. Interestingly, once the hunt began, the aunt found opportunities to align herself with my son, helping him find eggs, engaging him in conversation and encouragement, and taking a moment to sit and talk to me.
     In this instance, equity was diminished. My son was viewed as outside the norm, not quite right, and by extension, so was I. One mom, a couple weeks ago, suggested that maybe he does this because he's around me all the time, without a father in the picture, in effecting 'blaming' his gender expression and choices on me. In both instances I was hurt and angry. Part of me wanted to educate these moms on the falsity of their statements, and their invalidation of an entire group of people.. Another part of me, the part that won out, left it alone, kept the focus on the egg hunt, and has since smoldered silently, knowing that this is not the isolated opinion of one or two moms, but rather the representation of the greater population.
     Given more time, and a different environment, I may have found the energy to educate the women on normal childhood development, on the biological and external factors that can affect gender non-conformity, and on harm of their biased and prejudiced comments. Possibly this would have led, eventually, to greater equity within this small community. Possibly not. Possibly when society sees transgender or gender non-compliant individuals, not as threats to their own sexual identity and safety, but as people seeking to outwardly express their internal identity, equity can be effected. Getting over the bathroom debate would be a huge first step. The second step would be acknowledging the discrimination, prejudice and hate that transgender and gender-nonconforming individuals face daily, and acknowledging 'our' roles in this and the bases for our bias. Gender associated rights and biases, though,are extremely slow to change. Perhaps because they identify some insecurity within us.  However, history and other cultures clearly demonstrate that gender non-complaint people have always part a part of our world, and are deserving of the same respect, acceptance, and celebration that every other person deserves.

Microaggressions

     Last summer I attended a baseball game in Atlanta with my son, my best friend, and her daughter. It was "Mother Son" night at the Braves stadium, and we waited about an hour to do our little march around the field. During the course of our time in the stadium, we had time to fill, so we browsed the shops. One particular shop was primarily women's clothing and accessories. My son and Megan (my friend's 5 year old) were enamored with the  sparkly headbands, pink baseballs, and bedazzled accessories. The clerk approached us, and said, "Oh, those are expensive" in relation to a $12 dollar headband, and to my son, "Honey, there's nothing for you in here. But there's a boy's store down the way". My friend and I realized the double insult: clearly two women with two children must be a lesbian household, can't afford 'nice' things, and that boys should be not interested in pink, sparkly items.
     My friend and I talked later. She told me that this was the first time she really understood what my son and I go through. And that she was appalled, hurt, insulted, and downright angry. We were assumed to be partnered, and she felt the microaggressions (both verbal and behavioral) that are often brought against  gay parents. She also felt the microagressions that are inflicted upon a gender-creative family. Neither of us reacted in the situation, though I was sure to mention to the clerk, "My son just LOVES pink". Most of the conversation came later, with my son. As I once again affirmed for him that he can like whatever he likes, that sparkly things are pretty and lots of people like them, and no no one has the right to be mean to us about the things we like.
     After viewing the video presentation this week by Dr Sue, I found myself more cognizant of my interactions with others, in fact someone anxious about them. I feel myself second guessing every comment, scrutinizing it for possible microagressions, and fearing that my well-intentioned comments and compliments are being received as the clerks were to me. Are my interactions with those of diverse cultural backgrounds tinged by generations of stereotypes that I try oh so hard to fight against? Am I inadvertently causing harm to others and leaving them feeling insulted, debased, hurt or angry? How does one balance this caution with communication?
     I'm still working on it.
     But I'm more aware of it now. Not only through my own experiences, but through hearing the stories of others. And my hope is to find a way to teach my child thoughtful, caring communication, based in kindness, awareness, and respect for others.